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SAS Australia: Schapelle Corby up for the fight, Roxy Jacenko is ‘out’, Nick Cummins and Sabrina Frederick box

Headshot of Belle Taylor
Belle TaylorThe West Australian
VideoNick Cummins fights AFLW star on SAS Australia.

It’s SAS Australia! Where Australian celebrities try to complete the training course of the SAS. Why? We’re not sure! But there is a lot of talk of “doing it for myself” and “pushing to my limits.”

Since when did going on reality TV become something for people too dumb to read a self-help book?

Anyway. SAS Australia is run by a bunch of English blokes who spend a lot of time telling us they don’t know who anyone is.

“I don’t care if they are celebrities in their world” some bloke says. Well we do, obviously, otherwise we’re watching a bunch of nobodies get muddy, so stick a sock in it.

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We watch people running and doing stuff and walking slowly away from explosions which is definitely part of SAS training. When do they learn to mix a martini?

English blokes spend a lot of time telling us how tough they are. And bagging out the celebrities.

“I would like the celebrities to find out there is more to life than being fake,” says the British guy who is shaping a TV career by hosting shows such as this.

In the SAS Australia premiere, 17 celebrities begin the challenge of completing the gruelling SAS selection course, under the direction of four ex-Special Forces soldiers.
Camera IconIn the SAS Australia premiere, 17 celebrities begin the challenge of completing the gruelling SAS selection course, under the direction of four ex-Special Forces soldiers. Credit: Unknown/7 Network

The celebrities are all standing in a line with hoods over their heads and a bloke walks up and takes the hoods of which is supposed to reveal who they are but honestly ... it’s Schapelle Corby and a bunch of people you have likely never heard of.

Anyway, everyone is thrown out of a helicopter, much drama. Lots of yelling from British bloke.

“There will be no directors who say ‘cut’, there will be no lattes and there will be no Winnebago’s to go to,” The English bloke says.

And LOL, someone really needs to read this guy in on who these people are because it’s basically a bunch of ex-athletes and an ex-drug smuggler. This is how we do celebrity down under, mate.

Anyway, the celebs crawl over mud for a bit for no apparent reason and then they all stand around being yelled at by the Pommy bloke for a bit and then they get a number.

They are shown around the base which is pretty basic but Schapelle Corby who, let’s remember, did ten-odd years in an Indonesian Prison, is like: “You call this basic!? Ha!”

Sabrina Frederick fights Nick Cummins on SAS Australia.
Camera IconSabrina Frederick fights Nick Cummins on SAS Australia. Credit: NIGEL WRIGHT

Roxy Jacenko is falling behind which apparently means she is “showing her true colours”, I think it means she works a desk job and isn’t an ex-athlete like most of the people on this show.

They all box each other.

Schapelle starts crying, Ant, who is a mouthy English bloke and NOT SOMEONE WHO SPENT 10 YEARS IN AN INDONESIAN PRISON, yells at her about it.

Schapelle is up to fight and wins, duh.

Sabrina Frederick, who is an AFLW player, chooses Nick Cummins to box.

WATCH HONEY BADGER AND AFLW STAR’S BOUT IN THE PLAYER ABOVE

They are all told to get in a big piles of mud and Roxy Jacenko is like “I’m out.” And this is framed as some sort of weakness but honestly, SMARTEST DECISION EVER.

Schapelle Corby is pulled into the commander’s quarters for an “interrogation”. Ant is googling her. They start firing questions at her like:

“Where have you found your resilience?” and “Take me back to the moment where you thought this was a good idea”.

Schapelle Corby, otherwise known as Number 9, on SAS Australia.
Camera IconSchapelle Corby, otherwise known as Number 9, on SAS Australia. Credit: NIGEL WRIGHT

We are unsure if they mean stuffing drugs into a boogie board or going on this show.

She tells them about her Bali arrest, Ant says: “We have no idea who you are, we just googled you”.

And sheesh, you would think they’d have done a bit of research before the show, talk about phoning it in, it’s only the most famous Australian outlaw story since Ned Kelly.

She talks about her mental breakdown and it’s tough and sad and really we really hope that whatever reason she chose to go on this show she’s gotten something out of it because really, hasn’t she been through enough?

Tomorrow: More mud.

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