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How to stand up to bullies in the workplace

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Jessie StoelwinderThe West Australian
Workplace bullying specialist Carolyn Armstrong.
Camera IconWorkplace bullying specialist Carolyn Armstrong. Credit: Chayla Taylor

After being a podiatrist in the public health system for almost 30 years, Carolyn Armstrong experienced workplace bullying so severe she had to walk away from the career she loved so much.

Little did she know the devastating chapter in her life would set her down a new path where she could help others in a similar situation.

In an attempt to understand why she had fallen prey to bullies, Armstrong did a deep dive into the psychology behind this insidious behaviour and, in the process, has become an expert in workplace bullying.

Using a style of clinical hypnotherapy called Rapid Transformational Therapy combined with her lived experience, she coaches clients on how to speak up and heal from the inner wounds these attacks can leave.

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Armstrong says workplace bullying is not the same as the name-calling or prodding we may see in the school playground — it’s often more subtle and can occur over time.

“It undermines you and makes you fearful of your position,” she explains.

“Bullies will usually gather people on their side — rarely does one person bully you by yourself, they will have one or two offsiders who they have rallied around to support them. So for example, if you’re in a meeting, they will have other people agree with them to make sure you’re on the outer.

“They will often exclude you. One of my clients had a whole year of meetings in her diary and then just started being uninvited from them all. When she questioned it, the bullies acted like they didn’t know what was happening. There is a lot of gaslighting in the workplace, where you might question something and they make you feel foolish or like you’re the one who is in the wrong.”

Armstrong usually works with clients for six weeks, which begins with her listening to their story.

“One of the most important things for a person who is going through workplace bullying is to be heard because often HR won’t acknowledge it is happening,” she says.

“Then we go through a strategy — what are their options? Should they choose to stay or transfer to a different department? Then we look at different options of how to handle the situation and how to make sure they are heard.”

In addition to making a plan for how to tackle the external factors, much of Armstrong’s approach is to uncover why someone has become a target for bullying and resolve those issues, whether it is past trauma or low self-esteem.

This is done through hypnotherapy, which she says helps to relax the nervous system and change neural pathways.

“It has been life changing for me,” Armstrong says.

“I am someone who has complex PTSD, and I wouldn’t have been able to tap into a lot of my memories that had been blocked it if wasn’t for hypnotherapy.”

Hypnotherapy is not intended to replace sessions with a psychologist or counsellor — Armstrong likens it to having a varied toolkit to support one’s mental health.

Her goal is to allow clients to breathe again and view their predicament with fresh eyes.

Workplace bullying specialist Carolyn Armstrong.
Camera IconWorkplace bullying specialist Carolyn Armstrong. Credit: Chayla Taylor

For some, this may mean leaving their workplace. But 70 per cent of Armstrong’s clients choose to stay in their job once they have finished their program.

“Your worst case scenario may be to leave that position, but not everyone is able to have that as an option,” she says.

“You might be a single parent or can’t get another job easily where you live or need to be on a certain income.

“Whether people stay or leave, the treatment is the same because we are working on someone’s self-worth; examining why they are a target of bullying and why they have lost their voice. And having strategies for that has turned around how they react to the person at work. Lo and behold, that person stops bullying them.”

Armstrong would like to see more workplaces engaging services like her own to nip bullying in the bud before it gets out of hand.

“There are always two sides of the story,” she says.

“I know the people who bullied me and I have no doubt they have issues of their own. The more healed we are when we turn up to work the better our workplaces are going to be, both for those of us with a target on their heads and the bullies themselves. For HR to be open to suggesting to their staff to seek services like myself, instead of brushing it under the carpet, is crucial.”

Armstrong is about to launch a podcast, Becoming Bullyproof, with expert interviews and tips on tackling bullies. More information via becomingbullyproof.com.au.

Amanda’s Story

Amanda*, from Perth, works in health care and experienced bullying for two years before engaging Armstrong’s services.

“I was struggling quite a bit at work,” she says.

“I had my own personal confidence issues, but that was aggravated by a particular staff member. I wasn’t coping. I tried to communicate in any way I could with the person but nothing worked, it only made it worse.

“It was very insidious and low key. There were no raised voices. It was probably close to what is defined as covert narcissism, when it seems like they are being nice to you but it was very damaging.”

Amanda says she didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone go to work.

“I was experiencing anxiety just thinking about walking through the door,” she says.

When she began seeing Armstrong, she was surprised that much of the strategy involved building up her overall confidence.

But when she next had to deal with the bully at work, she realised she had the power to flip the dynamic.

“I had to stand up for myself and I was surprised at what came out of my mouth,” Amanda says.

“There was a massive confidence boost in the way I spoke, I was more straight-to-the-point and not so intimidated.”

Amanda says she is no longer being bullied — and is still at the same job.

“I was at a point where I felt I had nowhere to go and would have to leave,” she says.

“But I am still there and I am seeing it in a whole different light. It has really helped me transform my perspective on my work.”

* Name has been changed for anonymity purposes

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