‘Not the priority’: Perth finance expert warns against crying poor in front of children

Cost-of-living pressure are taking a toll on families but a Perth financial expert is warning parents against crying poor in front of their kids. Conlie Salvemini, principal partner with Fitzpatricks Advice Partners, said while parents may believe telling their kids “we can’t afford it” teaches children to be sensible with money, they may instead be instilling a sense of fear or confusion around finances. “Too often parents use the phrase when what they really mean is they don’t believe something is worth buying,” Mr Salvemini said. “There’s a big difference between not being able to afford something and choosing not to buy it.” Mr Salvemini, whose children are 11 and 13, said the distinction mattered because children could take the words literally. Rather than hearing a lesson about value, they might hear that money is tight, the family is under pressure, or financial security is more fragile than it really is. He said the point became clear in a recent family meeting with a successful business owner who kept telling his youngest son the family could not afford various purchases, including a mountain bike. Over time, the phrase became so common other siblings began questioning whether something was wrong with the family’s finances. “The reality was the family could afford it. It just wasn’t a spending priority,” Mr Salvemini said. “The parents were trying to teach judgment and restraint but the challenge was making sure the language matched the lesson.” His advice is not that parents should say yes to every request, but that they should be clearer about why they are saying no. Instead of “we can’t afford it”, he says parents can explain the trade-off — the family may be able to buy the item, but it is not the priority, or it would mean giving up something else. “Children don’t learn how to manage wealth from a trust deed,” he said. “They learn it from ordinary family moments and the everyday conversations they hear growing up.” With Australia’s baby boomers turning 80 this year, the nation is heading into what’s been called the biggest intergenerational wealth transfer in its history.