Home and Away: Kieran — who might be real — hides in ‘art’ van and real estate Barbie threatens Irene

Headshot of Stephanie McKenna
Stephanie McKennaThe West Australian
Still in the same clothes.
Camera IconStill in the same clothes. Credit: Channel 7/Channel 7

This show has been running for so long there’s literally no storyline they haven’t covered so the classics just get recycled again and again.

Tonight is no exception.

Kieran reappears and we’re not sure if he’s a figment of Martha’s imagination or if he’s actually real and needs somewhere to crash for a while since he’s on the run from the cops and has no money or prospects.

I have a feeling it’s a combination of the two because Kieran is a cruel kind of guy and will hide when Martha tells Alf and Roo she’s seen him. Plus the producers tend to use the Jas cam technique when someone is peak insane and to my great happiness it wasn’t used on this occasion.

Anyway Martha has an appointment with her councillor and everyone is very concerned about her mental state.

But Alf “don’t give a damn what the doctors think” and whisks her away against doctors’ advice and takes her to the diner where everyone can “stare” at her.

“Martha is my wife I promised her she could come home and that’s what’s going to happen,” Alf yells.

Even after 33 years of Alf’s stubborn and old fashioned views he can cause an outrage. What a skill.

“I feel so lost,” Martha says.

Probs should have let Martha say in hospital.
Camera IconProbs should have let Martha say in hospital. Credit: Channel 7/Channel 7

Alf tries to help and takes Martha back to her “art” van because clearing it out might also clear out her mind.

Martha tells Roo and Alf she needs to do it by herself (they already know it’s not an “art” van) and when she opens the door Kieran and his craggy face are there in the same clothes.

What a shock.
Camera IconWhat a shock. Credit: Channel 7/Channel 7

Over at the surf club Susie is gung-ho organising a surf competition to raise money and spruce up the place aka steal the money.

Still oblivious.
Camera IconStill oblivious. Credit: Channel 7/Channel 7

There’s just “one teeny, tiny problem”, according to Susie. I have a few grievance which I’ll air in a moment.

They don’t know where to put the money since the club treasurer is away at the moment so Susie opens a separate bank account so the money can conveniently be in her name.

My first qualm is who on earth is going to enter the surf competition. But throughout the episode I remember how low the bar is because Willow thinks Ziggy should enter, (they are “mates” again) and even Justin’s name is thrown in. Yes Justin, the man who but a few weeks ago was writhing in pain and covered in tumours that threatened to paralyse him.

The full force of real estate Barbie.
Camera IconThe full force of real estate Barbie. Credit: Channel 7/Channel 7

The next issue is that Susie has raised almost $10,000 which just can’t be true because the only businesses in town are the diner and Irene certainly won’t be donating, the garage, Justin has just scraped together all of his money for a house deposit and no mention of Jas who owns to gym donating.

Justin and Leah hand Susie a big fat cheque for their house deposit thanks to a “private lender” or scammer even though they will be making “sacrifices” to make the repayments.

C’mon, Leah already lost a house that burnt down and now she’s going to lose another one.

Irene is the only person that sees through Susie.

“Something tells me real estate Barbie isn’t all she’s cracked up to be,” Irene says which is a nickname I’ll have to borrow.

Giving Susie a bit of the stink eye.
Camera IconGiving Susie a bit of the stink eye. Credit: Channel 7/Channel 7

Irene has a word with John to warn him about Susie.

“Can’t you see that she’s got you and the rest of this joint wrapped around your little finger,” Irene says to John.

Naturally, because John can’t think for himself, he tells Susie.

She immediately heads over to Irene’s place to threaten her and insinuates that Irene wants to date John, which I’m pleased to say is a theory that has been squashed before.

“If you seriously think I’m into John palmer you’ve got rocks in your head,” Irene says.

“Trust me Irene, you do not want to mess with me,” Susie replies.

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