OPINION: Blood boils at service charges

This week, more on the grumpy old man theme because I seem to have been getting a lot of bills lately. And as some of you know, my preference for correspondence is in the form of a letter, not an email. But either way, I am unimpressed, and what blood does circulate around my thin frame begins to boil. I imagine some of you are similarly affected. This week I have several bills from State Government agencies or departments sitting on the kitchen table awaiting payment. I am leaving said payments until the death knock as I try to keep my vast fortune (mainly in coins in empty coffee jars) away from the bloated bureaucracies. You may ask why I protest. Isn’t it fair that I pay for what I have used? That is not the way I see it because I have a couple of hundred dollars to pay for unflushed toilets and unused drains. The reason for their lack of use is that the former resident is now happily, or otherwise, domiciled in the local cemetery; the same resident who, from his current resting place, has also used around $80 worth of electricity. This time of year, he is probably using a heater. The agencies responsible cover these costs under the description of service charges. I cry foul! On the topic of service charges, I notice an unoccupied stately mansion close to where I live, in our fine burgh, has had its water meter removed. I presume the reason for this is so no charges can be levied against the owners. I could be wrong, but I imagine water is still in the pipes, and if a tap was turned on then it would still pour out. Perhaps I might have taken all of the above in my stride had I not had occasion to pay a substantial bill to another government institution last month. The tidy sum caused some discomfort, and while the Woodhams household wasn’t reduced to a diet of bread and dripping, I did find myself in the discount rack when grocery shopping. The substantial bill was, incidentally, created by a mathematical error in the department. I always wondered what a grumpy old man was — now I know.