Smashed Gero (on toast): Wren’s Place Cafe

I regret to inform you I fell victim to greed last weekend, accepting a warm, golden bribe at a Northampton cafe. I’ll do my best to stay impartial, but I thought I should disclose a cauliflower and cheese pie swayed my opinion. After I revealed myself as a food reviewer, a lovely Wren’s Place staff member insisted I take home said pie. We fought for a while. I waved my phone around with Apple Pay ready to fire but, she wouldn’t let me complete the tap. “How can you review our cafe if you haven’t tried the pie?” she asked. Now obviously, as a matter of ethics, I can’t review food I received as a gift. I took a photo. Take a look, try not to drool on your copy of the newspaper, and decide for yourself whether it would be worth the drive. Back to business — my date and I drove to Northampton last weekend to see the sights and mingle with the ceramic sheep. Walking down Hampton Road on Sunday morning, we had no problem deciding where to go as Wren’s Place Cafe was the only one open. The inside was charming. The first thing we saw as we walked through the door was corrugated iron bordered by polished wood. There was a large chalkboard behind the counter, featuring some careful typography. The whole aesthetic said: “My blue heeler is my best friend and we go to yoga together”. Wren’s Place Cafe’s menu is eclectic, including Singapore noodles, an English breakfast, and vanilla slice. We overheard staff talking about how “famous” their coffee was while getting settled in, so we made sure to adjust our expectations accordingly. I’d imagine quite a few coffee snobs stopped at the bakery on their way up to the Exmouth after their European holidays were COVID-cancelled. I doubt any of them were disappointed. The two dark roast coffees were full of flavour and made by a professional. My date ordered an English breakfast, with all the usual suspects stacked generously on a round plate. I decided to get something small and pick from my brekkie buddy’s plate because the cakes, doughnuts and slices were eyeballing us as we placed our orders, and we decided it was prudent to leave room for morning dessert. The English breakfast included beans, hash browns, toast, salad, bacon, tomatoes and eggs. Everything was well cooked and tasty, but the only part of the meal that stood out for me was the baked beans. It had a strong onion flavour and tasted marvellously rich. I ordered a toasted sandwich with Vegemite, cheese and tomato. At $6.50, it was the cheapest meal I’ve had in this whole series. I found it a questionable choice to use “plastic” cheese, but the Vegemite ratio was on the money. Once we had polished off our meals, we ordered a piece of custard slice and quickly realised we’d ordered from the wrong menu. The breakfast was nice, but the slice was utterly smashing. The pastry was unusually chewy, dense and delicious. The filling was the perfect balance of pop-star sugar and jazz vocalist creamy. I am not usually a fan of custard, but the whipped-up texture of this slice was heavenly. The breakfast menu would be fine for a pit stop while heading north, but the baked goods are worth a lengthy detour. Wren’s Place Cafe challenged my ethics and left me dripping in editorial sin, but I’d do it all again for a key to their cake display fridge.