Survivor’s courage: Mid West teenager who was sexually abused by her grandfather speaks up to help others

A brave Mid West schoolgirl has opened up about the horrific nine-year secret she kept from her family: that her grandfather had been sexually abusing her. And not only her, but her sister and cousin as well. One day last year, the teenager couldn’t bear the burden any longer and finally told someone. Supported by her mother and the rest of her family, she has decided to share her raw and powerful story today in a bid to help others stand up and speak out. Her grandfather and abuser is awaiting sentencing after pleading guilty — but in her own words, it’s clear this girl is no victim, but a survivor who has shed the shame and is reclaiming her rights and power. Every child growing up should have a happy family. They should live the life every child dreams of. Every child wants to live their dream, have a role model, a person who looks out for them, makes them feel loved. I’m a teenager now. And nine years ago it all started — when my pop decided to do something that would change our lives for the worst. My pop was the biggest role model in my life. He always looked after me, made me laugh, he was always there to rely on when I needed help, he was the shining star in my life. He affected my life for the better until the worst came. 2012 is when it all happened. My life flashed before my eyes and there I was, an innocent little girl being sexually assaulted. It started when my pop would look after us on weekends, holidays and when my parents were working. I was too young to understand what was really happening, but little did I know it wasn’t just me it was happening to. My sister and my cousin also had this happen to them. Being kids, you get told what is right and wrong, and if you were told something you would often believe that’s the right thing. Sometimes you can’t control what happens — it feels like you are overpowered and used. I kept this a secret for nine years, not wanting to come forward about this life-changing negative experience. To tell anybody seemed like a bad idea. I didn’t want to break our family and feel like we were a disappointment to our parents and have them be mad that we didn’t tell them sooner. One day I told my sister and cousin this was happening to me, and that day they also told me the same thing was happening to them too. As we didn’t want to damage our family, us three girls made a plan that when he died we would tell our families and the police about what had happened to us. We did this because we got told growing up that it was “our little secret”, as he would say, and that if we told anyone we would get into trouble. But I just couldn’t wait any longer. I had to get this off my shoulders and stop it happening to my younger siblings, family member, or anyone, for that matter. A day in June 2020 changed everything. I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed things to change. I had to tell someone, to get it out of my head and off my shoulders. That day I went to speak to a school counsellor about everything. I cried. I didn’t know how to tell her. It was hard just to bring up in conversation. After telling her, I felt a lot better. My cousin came to the counsellor so I could tell her that I had told someone. The counsellor then told us we had 48 hours, and if we hadn’t made a decision about what we wanted to do, the police would be notified and he would go to jail. This meant we wouldn’t be able to see him, and I was very scared about that thought. We went to recess feeling good, and then it all changed. My cousin went home as she wasn’t feeling the best, and when her dad picked her up they had to tell him everything. I remember being called to the counsellor and then walking in, seeing my cousin bawling her eyes out, her face red and her hands shaking. She was terrified. I ran up to her and held her as tight as I could. I tried to stay strong but we both started crying. Watching our parents through the door crying in shock, blaming everything on themselves, feeling like they had let us down. To see my family in that much devastation just broke me. We are now in the court process and waiting to find out how much time he will be locked away for. We have had several interviews and visits to the police station, and we are very thankful for everyone helping us get through this, and to know that we weren’t alone through this time. People need to be aware that this could be happening to your friend, mum, cousin, sister, brother, or anyone, for that matter. You need to give consent before doing anything. We all should grow up loving life, living it to the fullest, not feeling overpowered and controlled by someone. The world is a better place without those people, and we need to do anything to stop them. I want everyone to know that they’re not alone, and it’s better if people who do this to other people are put away to get help. People think this happens because of what you’re wearing or how you’re acting — like you want it, as I have heard from people. Everyone needs to know people need to give you consent before doing something, and it can’t be forced. We, as humans, need to open our eyes. The world is a cruel and harsh place, and we need to respect everyone’s privacy. I want to make a change in the world and stick up for your rights. In the future, I want rape and sexual assault to be something that we talk about in schools and to teach everyone what right and wrong is. We need to be direct and really notice what’s happening in our world and stop it from happening to your children, friends and family. Now let’s stand up for our rights as women and stick together. Don’t let anyone, and I mean anyone, push you around when you don’t want to be pushed around. A MOTHER’S HEARTBREAK The mother of this survivor shares a glimpse into her heartbreak at discovering the unthinkable. But she also reveals how filled with awe she is at the strength and resilience of her daughters. If you never think it will happen to you or your loved ones, think again. It actually can happen. It’s the moment your heart breaks into a million pieces and you feel like you’re suffocating in a bubble, it’s like nothing you could have imagined. It’s that very moment that you are told your children have been getting sexually abused for most of their lives. My precious innocent little girls. The mere words cannot describe the feeling of revulsion and heartache at the thought of what this imitation of a human has been doing behind closed doors. Your body shakes in convulsions as everything unfolds. Horrendous crimes like this exist amongst us, but it’s not expected and definitely not recognisable, as most of the time the child has been groomed by their cunning perpetrator to keep it a secret. In the past 12 months we have learnt we aren’t alone. We have crossed paths with so many innocent victims, some of whom have come forward with their own experiences and pursued charges against their own perpetrators, and more who haven’t yet. My girls are becoming stronger every day. They want to be able to help other victims find their voices. My eldest girl used her almighty strength to come forward to help put a stop to these criminals and help others. She wants women to stand up for their rights and wants others living in this nightmare to know they can also come forward. We hope by writing this it may help even one person put a stop to their perpetrator, by also speaking up.