Gary Martin: Dreaming of a better Christmas for families riven by conflict

Tis meant to be the season marked by warmth, celebration and family get-togethers. Yet regrettably, family fractures will lead to heartfelt absences this Christmas and turn a time meant for unity into one of solitude for some. With the festive season in full swing, it is important to acknowledge that family estrangements will keep some families apart and prevent them from joining together around the Christmas tree. Family fractures occur when relatives consciously decide to cut ties with one or more family members. Their causes are diverse, encompassing everything from minor disagreements to serious conflicts. Financial pressures, like debt and unemployment, often serve as their trigger as do highly challenging behaviours such as substance addictions and gambling. The mental health of family members, particularly when not adequately addressed or understood, can also disrupt family dynamics. Regular tensions with in-laws or extended family members are another common source of family stress, and separation or divorce continues to be a key factor in many family breakdowns. Each set of circumstances underscores how the festive season, considered to be a time of unity, can instead magnify the fractures and result in certain family members being disengaged or completely absent from the Christmas table. Family estrangements not only impact on emotional well-being but physical health, work performance and social relationships. The repercussions can span generations, with some children growing up never knowing their relatives because of deep-seated family conflicts. The festive season can sometimes present as an opportunity for reconciliation. However, repairing relationships can be complex because reconciliation often involves more than just an exchange of apologies. It involves a deep understanding of underlying issues and the perspectives of all parties involved and, in many cases, is not just about returning to the ways things were but about creating a new and healthier path forward. This requires a willingness to let go of past grievances and commit to open and honest communications. It might also involve setting new boundaries, finding compromises and working together to rebuild trust. In many situations, professional help such as counselling or mediation might help. It is most important to recognise that not all family rifts can or should be mended, particularly in situations involving abuse or other harmful behaviours. But for those where reconciliation is a possibility, the festive season can provide an opportunity for reflection and – possibly – serve as a step towards mending bridges. Even in cases where reconciliation is not feasible, understanding the situation and finding personal peace can be important outcomes. Amid the celebrations this Christmas, remember that many among us are navigating the complexities of challenging family relationships. Those challenges can make what should be a season of togetherness a time of profound loneliness and ongoing tension. Whether it is about reconnecting with estranged family members or simply acknowledging the difficulties many face, make this festive season a time for both joy and thoughtful consideration of the complex nature of family dynamics. Professor Gary Martin is CEO of AIM WA and a workplace and social affairs expert.