Peter Goers: How wrong I was to think opponents of commercialisation of the parklands were reasonable people

The Crows are hugely successful at everything but football, writes Peter Goers, so what better way to stem the flow of youngsters to the east than giving them our aquatic centre. What was I thinking? I now realise if the Crows are stopped by reactionary protectors of the parklands from building a huge office, training, entertainment and shopping complex in the parklands hundreds of thousands of young people will leave SA. This is inevitable. Unless we allow commercialisation of the parklands and wholesale development everywhere, virtually all our young people will leave for the brighter lights of Sydney and Melbourne. I’ve been so wrong to be wary of commentators who are proud Crows members and even spouses of Crows board members wanting to see the Crows’ massive commercial development in the parklands. It’s absolutely for the good of all South Australians that the Crows get a free parcel of invaluable land in the parklands plus $15 million of taxpayers’ funds. Look, the Crows may be a very wealthy private corporation and a franchise of an even wealthier Melbourne corporation but unless we give them the parklands as well and at the expense of the environment and public utility, young people will up and go. I’ve been so wrong to disbelieve Crows’ loving commentators who say they love the parklands and don’t want to see them developed except for the Crows office, training, entertainment and shopping precinct in our beloved parklands which should never be developed. I now believe them. In fact, I’m so ashamed at myself I suggest we allow the Crows to further develop the parklands. We should give all the parklands to the Crows because they only have the interests of SA at heart and they alone will keep our young people here. Young people are bound to stay if we have the national nuclear dump (oops, sorry, nuclear waste management facility) in the parklands. Crows fan and MP Rowan Ramsey tells us it’s completely safe at Kimba. If moved to the Crows’ parklands, the facility would mean rivers of gold to the Crows and lots of jobs for young people. Similarly a coal-fired power station run by the Crows in the parklands, plus low-cost apartment buildings (nothing over $1 million), hotels with lots of pokies and pawn shops and a Camry dealership would be hugely successful for the Crows. Naysayers will spit that the Crows know nothing about running all this but they don’t know about running an aquatic centre and yet they want to do that altruistically to save the city council hundreds of millions of dollars in wasted spending on a disused, decrepit public utility. The Crows are hugely successful at everything but football. How wrong I was to think opponents of commercialisation of the parklands where reasonable people. They are hysterical, Volvo-driving, basket-weaving, evil environmentalists shod in Birkenstocks and meddling professional whingers who are dragging SA back to the 18th century. Truly progressive South Australians, including young people at dire risk of leaving SA, have no interest in the environment or the parklands. The Crows are the pride of SA. They know best. Unless we allow and subsidise them to privatise the parklands all our young people will leave SA just like Crows star Eddie Betts. ■ Peter Goers can be heard weeknights and Sundays on ABC Radio Adelaide