What I See column: The life of a messy eater is no joke

I am convinced my mouth is too small. Now, metaphorically, many of you would say that it might be too big, but I’m talking physically. I reckon the Big Fella cut me off a bit short and I can back this assumption up. Ever since I was a kid, I have made a meal (excuse the pun) out of eating. Either leaving a series of food marks around my mush, or, more often than not, dropping food debris all over the place at mealtimes. If it’s not on the table around my plate, it’s on the floor in close proximity to where I am sitting. And my workmates will certainly attest to the fact that not too many lunch breaks go by, without me visiting the men’s room to wash a food stain off my shirt or pants. They have a bit of a joke. If you want to know where Pete was sitting, just look for a ring of crumbs on the floor. Now, just the other day, I was a little too early for an appointment at a business in town, so decided to go and buy a quick lunch. Stupid me decided to grab a sandwich and eat it in the car. Monitoring my eating like a hawk, I managed to spill some crumbs on to my shirt. That wasn’t a problem, but as I savoured the last morsel, somehow a blob of sweet chilli sauce dropped on to my shirt. Why? Why? Why? I was even holding the sandwich wrapper under my chin. I quickly rubbed down the affected area with a napkin and some water. Even if I averted a stain on my shirt, I would still have to return to the appointment with a big damp patch on my shirt. People, this is what I put up with. While writing this piece, I decided to get online and see if I was unusual. And you know what, I am happy to say that I’m not. I found a host of stories about people who also regularly missed their mouth while eating. Many say that they tend to drop food on their clothes when they are wearing white or light colours. Ditto. When my brother and I were very young, the family would visit my beautiful Italian grandmother once a week for a meal. Before we started, Nanna would always tie a large napkin around our necks in a bid to stop us making a mess with our bowl of spaghetti. Maybe she should have left it on me, permanently ...