MUST WATCH: Perth Scorchers star Nicole Bolton opens up on the darkest day of her 15-year career, explains how NSW allrounder Moises Henriques was ‘instrumental’ in helping her

A 30-something degree day at Lilac Hill in late December playing host to a Nicole Bolton masterclass ... it was a scene we’d seen before — and one we were growing very used to in orange — but it was one we wouldn’t see for a while after this match. Bolton produced a match-winning half-century and took 2-26 opening the bowling in a player-of-the-match performance against Sydney Thunder last summer. But for the left-handed batter, it wasn’t just another day at the office. It was the hardest day of her 15-year professional career — a polished, inspiring performance that she can no longer recall. WATCH THE FULL EXCLUSIVE VIDEO IN THE PLAYER ABOVE “A lot of people ask me about it and we’ve heard Will Pucovski who went out and made 243 at the WACA, he talks about how he can’t really remember what happened,” Bolton said. “I had a similar experience where I just really can’t remember that batting innings, I can’t remember the game. All I can remember is the emotional discomfort I was in.” Head coach Lisa Keightley and WACA team doctor Tom Hill had earmarked the match on December 30 as Bolton’s last appearance before she’d take an indefinite break from cricket to focus on her mental health. But with such a dominant on-field display, it’s nearly hard to fathom what Bolton was weathering behind the scenes. “I was crying to Lisa before the warm-up. I didn’t complete the warm-up because I just didn’t have the energy,” Bolton said. “We went out to bat, I came in at number five and I just remember the context of the game, we were sort of a little bit in the shit I guess and I just knuckled down. “It was the first time I sort of felt at ease which seems really bizarre because everything outside of it was just unbelievable scenes. “I was able to go on and get our team to a decent total and I came off after that batting innings so overwhelmed that again I found myself in the changerooms with Tom and Lisa in tears but I had to collect myself to go open the bowling,” Bolton said. A few handy scalps saw Bolton collect player of the match honours but after giving her all to the performance, she wasn’t in a position to accept the award. “To be able to pull off a couple of wickets and play a role with the ball was really awesome but after the game they came over to tell me I’d won player of the match and I just said ‘I can’t, I can’t speak to anyone’,” Bolton recalled. “Lisa and Tom took me off to the changerooms and again I broke down. It was almost a stage where I knew it was sort of the end, I was obviously happy I was able to perform but I was also really sad it got to a point where I couldn’t do my job anymore.” A crucial few months away from cricket with her family gave Bolton the recalibrating she so desperately needed, while she also established contact with a first-class star from NSW who’d had mental health issues. “(Australia coach) Matthew Mott actually put me in touch with Moises Henriques,” Bolton said. “At that time I didn’t know who to talk to, no one else was going through what I was and I had so many questions. Tom was really good from a doctor’s point of view but you want to be able to relate. “On New Year’s Eve I got this message from Moises and he just reached out, said ‘take it or leave it’, and acknowledged that it was pretty early on.” “There was literally a period there where we were talking non-stop. He answered all of my questions, he had great personal insight into his journey and where he was at. “So for someone of his stature to give his time and insight into a personal thing was huge. I really valued that relationship we struck up. He was instrumental.” Once the Subiaco-Floreat product’s headspace was improving, she returned to where it all began nearly half her life ago. “Going back to grade cricket, I didn’t expect we’d win the flag, it actually just re-discovered my love for cricket,” Bolton said. “I thought: ‘If I can get this feeling of playing cricket at this level, why can’t I get it at the next level?’ and I guess that’s the challenge I’m currently working through.” After a disappointing Ashes campaign the 30-year-old started the Australian summer with back-to-back player of the match performances in the WNCL and has had a sound WBBL to date. But for Bolton, it’s a healthier affiliation with her profession that matters far more than runs. “I’ve been playing cricket since I was 15 and it’s been a massive purpose in my life to the point where it probably got a little bit unhealthy, the way I identified myself as a person through cricket,” Bolton reflected. “Because I identified so heavily with it, I would judge myself and my self-worth on my performance. “But now, for the first time ever I don’t feel like I’m identifying myself through my performances or as ‘Nicole Bolton the cricketer’ – and it’s exciting.” If you or anyone you know is struggling, please contact Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636.

MUST WATCH: Perth Scorchers star Nicole Bolton opens up on the darkest day of her 15-year career, explains how NSW allrounder Moises Henriques was ‘instrumental’ in helping her

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