Family domestic violence survivor delves into abuse and awareness to speak up after 16 Days in WA campaign

A family domestic violence survivor has opened up about a 14-year relationship which turned abusive when she returned home after giving birth to her first baby.

The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, has reached out with her story in the wake of the 16 Days in WA campaign, urging witnesses of unusual or suspicious behaviour to speak up.

Now in her 40s, the woman was just 14 years old when the relationship began.

She said 30 years ago violent behaviour inside homes was normalised in society. While the stigma around family and domestic violence had eased, she said it was difficult for a victim to come forward because of the shame and self-blame.

“Accountability doesn’t just start with the perpetrator, but with society and the conception ‘this is OK’,” she said.

The worst experience the victim had was the reaction she got from the perpetrator’s family when she disclosed the violence. She said they would tell her “you made your bed, now you lie in it”.

The annual 16 Days in WA campaign runs from November 25 through to December 10, encouraging change through education and awareness to stop violence against women.

Government statistics show Aboriginal women are 32 times more likely to be hospitalised from family violence than non-Aboriginal women.

The 16 Days in WA toolkit recommends speaking up if you’re concerned about someone you know. The survivor says asking whether everything is OK or if they’re safe at home is the first step to survivors understanding help is out there.

She was 18 years old when she was assaulted for the first time on returning home from the hospital after giving birth to her first child. She said an argument arose after the perpetrator hadn’t visited the hospital.

“That was the first time I got hit. It shocked me and I didn’t really understand it,” she said.

“There were times I could not sit still, I had to make sure everything was perfect. You walked around on eggshells, waiting for one thing to not be right, to upset him and get into a fight.”

The survivor’s child health nurse was the first person to notice something wasn’t right at home and spoke up.

“I lived in a heightened sense of fight or flight, so I started drinking really heavily. That’s when the child health nurse realised it wasn’t a healthy relationship and I wasn’t functioning well.”

Other factors included emotional and financial abuse. She said the perpetrator would demean her with remarks such as “no one will ever want you with three kids”.

Every time the victim tried to better herself, such as by studying at TAFE, the violence worsened.

“It wasn’t always like that, but it got to the point where it became more regular as time went on in the relationship,” she said.

Help is available: 1800 RESPECT/1800 737 732