Former AFL star-turned-media personality Jimmy Bartel has lifted the lid on his troubled childhood at the hands of his “violent” father, and revealed why he believes the game’s first openly gay men’s player is yet to come forward.

In a candid interview with Sarah Grynberg on the A Life of Greatness podcast, Bartel revealed that behind the three-time premiership player and Brownlow medallist was a man who had endured his fair share of personal challenges.

Largely raised in Geelong, the ex-Cat’s parents separated when he was just one-year-old, recalling a pivotal moment in his relationship with his father after spending school holidays with him aged 14.

“I’m pretty guarded and reserved, and I remember coming home, I went straight to my bedroom and then Mum comes in and goes, ‘What’s wrong?’” Bartel recalled, responding, “I just don’t think he’s the person I think he is”.

“I didn’t have a great time up there with him and had a pretty average night, one night with him, which (was) pretty scary for myself. He had been heavily drinking and things like that, he got pretty physical with myself, sort of stuff that you’d put away and seen earlier, that sort of all came to the surface.”

Bartel shares sons Henley and Aston with ex-wife Nadia Bartel, and young daughter Paloma with girlfriend Amelia Shepperd.

He added it was difficult to see his father, who had battled alcoholism, turn on his charm and charisma around friends but cut a totally different figure in the presence of loved ones.

At one particularly low point, the former player revealed his father threatened to end his mother’s life if she didn’t allow him more time with Bartel and his two sisters.

Despite his parents’ separation, Bartel said his father would “come around home and my mum had placed an AVO (Apprehended Violence Order) on him, he came around and told her to lift the AVO or else he was going to take mum”.

“I remember looking out the lounge room window and he was taking my mum and I only found out until I was older, he was taking mum out to the back of Geelong and pretty much gave her the ultimatum, either remove the AVO or this is the end for you.

“And so it was a tough decision for my mum, do you leave three kids with no mum or you come back home and you remove the AVO and you try and manage things a different way?”

Sharing much of his playing career with fellow club legend Joel Selwood, the 41-year-old said it was difficult to watch his close friend suffer the tragedy of two premature family deaths in brothers Troy and Adam earlier this year.

And with more than just his personal connection to the Selwoods, Bartel said his mother had also drawn close to Bryce and Marie Selwood after sharing the locker room with their son for more than 13 years.

“I think the most difficult thing is, like, what do you say? And I know that’s the minor end of the problem, but you just want to make it all better for them,” Bartel said.

“But then you want them to know that you’re still always there, even after the phone call, the message, or seeing them in person. And the resilience of that family is extraordinary. I still can’t get my head around it.

“I think it gets put into laser focus, you know, with when you have your own kids losing one child.”

Having met all types of AFL players in his time, Bartel shared what he believed might be holding back the game’s first ever openly gay male player from coming out.

Describing modern AFL locker rooms as “open-minded”, Bartel suggested clubs are better placed than ever to support such a player.

And it’s just as likely an accomplished star feels forced to mask their sexuality as someone on the fringe.

“One of the factors I think might be holding back a player, a male player of coming out is that’ll be all they’ll be referenced as for the rest of their life… he might be a four-time Brownlow medal winner, five time Premiership player, won every award in the game, 300 games, a legend. But if they were the first player, that would be how they’d describe them,” he said.

“And I think it diminishes what they’ve done incredibly well in the game. Not that it should, but I reckon there’d be some who might be thinking, you know, do I want that always attached to me? And again, that’s only an opinion of someone who’s never walked a mile in that person’s shoes.”

Retiring in 2016 after 305 games, Bartel has since become heavily involved in AFL media across TV and radio as an analyst.

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